Saturday, October 11, 2014

Let me eat cake

So, many years ago, Harris Teeter used to sell these amazing little personal-sized Tuxedo cakes that had chocolate mousse and white chocolate and ganache and basically everything that I love in a dessert item. I was a little sad when they up and stopped selling them. But that sadness abated the day I discovered that Costco also sells them. Two problems that day, though: 1. It's Costco sized, which is ridiculous even for me, and 2. I wasn't eating dairy because of Abbott's allergy. So I always thought my big treat when I started eating dairy again would be one of these Tuxedo cakes. 

But seriously, no one can eat a whole Tuxedo cake. So I never got one. 

Until this week, which has been a little rough. We're going through a lot of changes at work, with a lot of very talented and dedicated people leaving and a high degree of uncertainty and more than a little infighting. On Tuesday and Friday we had two big bombshells hit the newsroom that are still reverberating. Alongside that anxiety, I was out for a couple days with the shingles (or as I'm now calling it, pox de deux), and I returned to two photo shoots, which I already don't love, and which included one with me in a leotard (!). So, a lot's been going on. And I thought to myself, you know what? After these shoots, I'm going to finally get myself one of those Tuxedo cakes, expletive it. My plan was to cut a tiny bit off for myself and then bring the rest in for the night desk. 

But even as I was thinking that, I was a little iffy. I try to not eat emotionally, or at least I try to be aware of it. And I was aware of it this morning at Costco. So I was half and half on buying the cake but finally decided that I would.

So I get home, and I have this enormous confection that I'm trying to get into the refrigerator, and Abbott asks what it's for, and if it's for him. I tell him, no, buddy, it's got a lot of milk in it. It's for me. Sorry. And then he asks why I bought it. And I start to try to defend it, to say, "Well, bud, it's been a rough week, and you know, I was sick, and I've been working a lot." And even as I'm saying it, mentally exhausted from the illness and all the other stuff going on, I know that what I'm saying is not healthy or right. So I'm feeling irritated with myself, and thinking, I am not modeling good behavior here. And I only barely wanted this cake. Dammit! 

And then he cuts me off, having waited long enough for the answer he was expecting, and says, "And because you're hungry!" I burst out laughing because I'd have to be *really* hungry to eat this thing, and also because I am just so grateful that he so graciously cut me down from the hook. And I say, "Yes, buddy, I got it because I was hungry."

And I am so thankful that he's healthy. And I really, really hope he stays that way.

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