Wednesday, July 06, 2011

I keep forgetting that forgetting is not forgiving

So I'm in a new job, getting to know people, letting them get to know me. And you know me, so you know that can be somewhat unpredictable.

One guy has become an unexpected partner in crime. It's not a boy-girl kind of thing; we just agree on surprising things, given our wildly divergent world views. We work together well and we get a lot done. It's great. The other day we had an exchange about the state of the economy and he messaged me, "Enjoy your weekend, Brain. -Pinky"

Innocent, right? It scared the shit out of me.

It made me wonder if one day he would become sexually aggressive with me, like someone else I had trusted. And to say sexually aggressive doesn't seem quite right; What I can say is that I trusted him, and he used sex aggressively. He, too, was a partner in crime with whom I had accomplished so much. And he was battling alcoholism at the time, and a disintegrating home life. And I was another woman, probably trying to gang up on him.

This was several years ago. I don't see him or talk to him anymore. The last I heard, he was sober. At that time, I considered getting back in contact. I thought I had forgiven him. Surprise! I haven't. And it's holding no one back but me.

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