Sunday, March 28, 2010

2 things that annoy me

1. People who massacre the English language. I'm not talking about people who don't have access to education; I'm talking about people who have access to too much education and have an exaggerated sense of self-importance because of it. I'm talking about bullshit changers of parts of speech, users of fake words like "impactful." And I know, I'm hypocritical. I sometimes use adjectives as nouns ("Who called?" "Oh, some random.") in shorthand. And I know that if I really thought about it, I could suss out some deep insecurity as the reason people do this. And then I would probably have to show some understanding or sympathy or something. I will save that for another day. For now I'm just going to keep on flipping off these e-mails with both middle fingers.

2. Sympathy-baiters: People for whom nothing big is really wrong, but the general ennui of life has just gotten to be too much. Every. Single. Day. And they have to tell you about it, either in words or with their sad, sad faces. And again, I know there is a lot of hypocrisy here, because here I am complaining about them. So I'll just stop. 


Monday, March 22, 2010

Sacrifices comma none thereof

So here's something I realized today about my being pregnant: I have had to give precious little up. I drank maybe twice a year, mostly at the insistence of others, and coffee was never something I had the tenacity to drink regularly. Also I don't smoke or change cat litter or do drugs.

Really, it's just given me an excuse to eat those puffy Cheetos and ice cream bars without feeling as bad. Also, it forces me to get sleep. I would say this pregnancy has been awesome!

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Hello. Is there anybody in there? Just nod if you can hear me.

Is there anyone at home?

So I have a bit of difficulty having faith in things I can't see. I'm an empiricist at heart, really. It's always been the case. So this pregnancy has been very interesting for me. I can't see what's going on in there.

Right now I'm just on the cusp of 19 weeks, when many women are feeling their babies move. I've been feeling something, but is it the baby kicking? I don't know. No one can tell me. I read that it feels like this, or it feels like that, but also that every woman's experience is different. So that's not much help.

But, because I've been working on it, I do have faith that the kicks will come soon, if these aren't they. And I'm terribly excited every time I feel what I may ultimately discover was gas. I slow down and hold my belly. I even turn down the radio, which, surprisingly, helps. It doesn't matter if it's an elbow, or a knee, or a round ligament adjustment. All of those things bring me closer to the moment I meet my baby.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Like the corners of my mind, or, Time for a new Venn diagram

A week ago today I was sitting across from a dear old friend in a New York restaurant. I hadn't seen him in 13 years, and he looked exactly the same. It's funny how your friends don't age. He said that I was the same, right down to the hand gestures.

We did the catch-up dance: How are you, Fine, How are you, Great with child, I noticed but didn't want to say. And then we started talking about the olden days.

He and I worked on the high school newspaper together. It felt like war or summer camp; it tethered us forever and made us strong. My freshman year in college I had this crazy idea that we should maybe lose our virginities to each other. I was always coming up with these kinds of impractical and wholly inviable ideas. But to my surprise, he said yes.

So he drove up to my dorm and we very awkwardly and minimally made out. I mostly just remember being nervous and falling asleep.

So we were both recalling this story, and he looked shocked when I mentioned the sex intent. He didn't remember coming up for that purpose at all. And he told me what I said to him after we kissed, which I don't remember in the slightest. These huge details that are burned in one memory are completely absent from the other's. In his incredulity he exclaimed, "I tell that story all the time!"

It made me wonder how many other stories we don't remember correctly. I think there should be a TV show called "Memories: Debunked!" I don't need people to unravel the Bible or some conspiracy theory. Landed on the moon, didn't land on the moon, it makes very little practical difference in my life. I just want people to tell me, Hey! You don't remember sh*t!

Or maybe I don't. At any rate, here's a Venn diagram I made of the incident and others like it. Enjoy!

Monday, March 08, 2010

And now for the most useful thing you will ever see on my blog

I've been struggling with belly bands (tummy bands, bella bands, what have you) ever since I got pregnant. It's a spandex tube that is supposed to hold up your pants while you wear them unbuttoned because you're growing a little person inside you but you can't suddenly go out and get a bunch of new pairs of pants. Well, the band has never worked for me. Maybe I'm not big enough yet. Maybe I'm too sensitive in the belly parts. Not sure. No matter.

Because there are 2 ways to keep pants up, am I right? Through cinching and through suspension! However the problem with traditional suspenders was that they would come down in a sore, tender spot. I did a little research and found these:

Pregnancy suspenders!

Yeah, I didn't know what they were, either, but they come down the sides and clip onto the pants. They're perfect! These are available at I am excited beyond belief.

Tuesday, March 02, 2010

Out with it

So. Here is how I am. I am wonderful.

I'm thinking in terms of relative fruit sizes and weeks, and looking forward to thinking in inches, and pounds and ounces. I'm thinking of how exciting it will be to try on tiny shoes, and wear them out of the store. I'm thinking of teaching a love of mathematics, while Jeffrey thinks of teaching love of food and music. I'm growing and growing, and knowing I will have to grow infinitely more.

I am full of joy, and excitement, and Dunkin' Donuts double chocolate doughnuts. And I am already in love.