I think money is the most personal thing, even moreso than sex. I know that's probably odd, but I would rather talk about sex than about money. I mean, I'm not likely to talk that openly about the specifics of either, but sex *just* edges money out in that revelation race. I think it has to do with how we value ourselves, after we leave the obvious esteem shelter of grades.
I've thought about this today because of The Great TV Purchase of 2KX. We ended up spending a little more than I had hoped to, which was a compromise. We did extensive research, and the set we bought fit our needs (LCD for video games) and was a good brand in terms of reliability (Samsung) and the model was recommended by Consumer Reports. So we decided to get it. And I feel OK about it, I guess. (See? No specifics.)
The weird thing was the desire I felt to buy a second flat-screen, for the guest bedroom. It was so strong! But we don't even watch that TV. I'm the one who spends the most time in there, and I *never* turn the TV on. And it still works. And I don't care about image quality. I would happily watch movies on the iPod Touch.
But here I wanted to spend this money, on top of the OTHER money that we just spent. And you know, we probably technically could afford it, but why was I being overwhelmed by the feeling? I don't even want it!
So then I got home and decided that maybe I should turn on the TV to see if I really wanted a new one. I flipped around and landed on Suze Orman. I know a lot of people hate her, but I'm not sure why. Though I never ever watch her (she being on TV and all), I kind of dig her when I do. I think she says a lot of smart things. And she was talking tonight about women's emotional problems with money. And hoo-boy, do I have that. My family was poor, so I feel incredibly guilty for what we have, on top of feeling incredibly grateful, as well as wondering if it will be enough.
But I've decided that I've had enough of all this anxiety about money. My friend Julie recommended a book to me years ago, and I finally bought it on Amazon tonight: Your Money or Your Life. I'm going to choose life.