Thursday, September 03, 2009

What makes me think I can start clean-slated?

So I was talking to Nancy tonight, with whom I used to work very closely. I was asking her about this Pilates move I remember her doing in which she sits down, but with no chair. And she said, "I used to do that? That seems very annoying." And then she wondered what else annoying she used to do. Turns out a high school friend had told her last week that she used to talk about apartheid and the importance of divesting in South Africa. And Nancy thought that was probably pretty annoying, too. It made the friend feel inadequate, which of course she did not want to do.

So of course I started thinking about all the crazy things I've done in my life that other people have witnessed or been subjected to. And I said, "I'd like to just start over today, you know?" And she said, "Why? Because you think you wouldn't do crazy things again?" And she's right, of course. Every time I start over, every day, I still do crazy shit. Maybe I'm slightly more palatable now. I'm definitely calmer. But my essence is the same. I'm goofy and easily hurt and overly proud. There's just no escaping yourself.


Speaking of feeling inadequate, one of the reporters today told me he didn't watch TV shows. He wasn't trying to be superior or anything. He just wasn't getting the popular culture reference I was making. Instead, he reads news on the internet and watches news. He is what I mean when I say I am a news junkie. Sigh.

Wednesday, September 02, 2009


I've been thinking about friendships a lot lately. It was always funny to me when people said we're "just friends," because it seemed like such a slight to friendship. Friends are vital to life as I know it. They leave an impression on me for decades. Forever, really. I still quote friends -- out loud and in my thinking -- I haven't talked to in many many years. And I hear from them and I realize that they quote me, too. And sometimes their memories even outpace mine, which is a mixed surprise.

So what I have to say is that if you have been my friend, you have left an impression on me. If we have shared a memory, there's a very good chance that I still have it, particularly if it made me laugh. And lots of things make me laugh. And if there are bad memories, I have probably blocked them out of my mind.

And I thank you.