Thursday, April 05, 2007

Face the Music is brought to you by the number 7 and the letters W, T and F

I guess I would characterize today thusly: Unnerving discoveries. Here are the things I learned today.

1. God is everywhere -- including the bathroom. So, I came back from Iowa to find that there's now music being piped into our incredibly non-corporate bathrooms at work. I think it's meant to be calming, because I'd heard they set it to smooth jazz. But a weird thing happened when I went in tonight; there was no music. Then, when I went out to the lounge area to investigate where the music had gone, it suddenly started up again, but this time, there were lyrics. And they were God-ish lyrics. Is God trying to tell me something in the women's room?

2. I'm disgusting. I went in to the work refrigerator to clean out a dinner I'd brought in last week and hadn't eaten and I discovered another dinner from a while ago. Not realizing how long ago it was from, I opened it up and emptied it out into the trash. It was from so long ago, I don't even eat that kind of food anymore. You feel me? It was rancid. I was telling someone else about it, and Josh piped up, "That was you? I literally thought a dead human being was in our kitchen. I walked in there to get something and I walked right back out."

3. You just never know. This is just hearsay, so I'm going to include the conversation in which I heard it. Evil Brian: You know (name withheld)? When I went out to smoke, I saw him (pause) feather dusting his car. Me: Inside or outside? Ev. B: The bumper. I had to turn my eyes away from him when he saw me watching him. Me: I've never seen him with a feather duster. Ev. B: That's because he keeps it in his car. And it ain't in the trunk, either. It's on the passenger seat.

3a. You really just never know. Karl Rove raps and Alanis Morissette does "My Humps." I can't say which one is more haunting.

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