In Vietnamese culture (as I know it), if you don't like some kind of food, it's said that you don't know how to eat it. The onus is on you, the eater, to try to understand the food and to appreciate it. Well, as my little capital-F Faith experiment draws to a close, I have to say that I don't know how to do it. I don't know how to have Faith.
I think it's really important to examine your beliefs, and so I did mine. I thought, is it me? Am I not open to religion? I really wanted to approach it with humility, because of the large and detrimental role hubris has played in my life. So I really searched my soul, and I just couldn't do it. But maybe the problem is that I only explored one major religion. I guess I was waiting for some kind of epiphany or something. "Oh yes! This makes sense to me!" But nothing did. And the same old reasons I left my family's faith before I was 10 came back into stark relief.
We watched Jesus Camp, the Academy Award-nominated documentary about an evangelical Christian summer camp, this weekend. And even though there are some scary and sad moments in it (I recommend it for everyone), there was a little girl in it who talked about living a life full of love, and not hate. And I thought, well, whether or not the people in the documentary live that ideal, I surely would like to. I simply think I'd be happier because of it. So for now, I guess I'm just back to searching.
I also read this very interesting article in the Times Sunday Magazine about the science behind the apparent inherent human drive for religion. It's pretty beefy, though. Set aside some time for it.